On the Eve of April Fools

I wanted to share a little personal history before bedtime. On April 1, ten years ago, I was out for a walk/jog. I was physically out of shape and my life was really exhausting me. I was frustrated and often very bitter that I couldn’t get closure on my gender/sexual expression. I was mad at myself and others as well, but largely just at me, for not being what I was supposed to be. It was an odd and perhaps humorous jest on the part of the universe, that it was the first day of April that I resolved to get physically back in shape, buy myself a new dress and learn to stand up for myself.

We hear so often, and this still rings true, that we really do have to learn to face our fears to be ourselves. It never seems to stop in high school when we put on a different mask for our peers, one for our parents and another for our grandparents. We continuously sacrifice ourselves on the altar of acceptance and love.

I didn’t know where I was going ten years ago. I just knew I was done with the fear. I was done with the closet. I was done with the guilt and the shame. It was my time to power up. And jogging, well, it became my way to empower myself. I loved that I could jog, be one with the universe, and be me. I went on to run 13 marathons and one other much more important marathon, the marathon to become the gal I am today. A bit quirky I suppose I am, but I made it and it is what it is, as they say. So, those are my thoughts before bed.

I encourage anyone that is struggling to become themselves, that you can do it. Just face the fear, a bit more each day, baby steps are good. And find yourself a handy mantra to keep you company. Or take mine, booyah! Blessings all.

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